My Bio

Hi, my name is Andrew G. Watters. I am a radically honest, category-defying polymath based in Redwood City, California, USA. I have a law degree from U.C. Hastings College of the Law in San Francisco, a bachelor's degree from UCLA, and seventeen to twenty-two years of professional experience in multiple industries. Currently, I have my own law firm, photo studio, and R&D laboratory. I offer legal services since 2005, including complex private investigations, custom computer vision systems since 2022, and custom web application programming since 2000. My favorite compliment that I've gotten lately is: "you're a polite gunfighter with a silver tongue." Yeah, that's accurate. I am married to Mrs. Right, with whom I welcomed our daughter Jennifer in 2022.


January 20, 2023: I'm delighted to add IBM Nouveau font to my website, in tribute to the BIOS fonts of the 1980s. You can find it here.

January 3, 2023: Coming soon: You had me at HELO: a tutorial for using Perl-Compatible Regular Expressions with Postfix for sender access control to crush 90% of spam received on a private email server.


These are my current ventures:

Attorney - general civil litigation and complex family law, with seventeen years of experience and twenty-five trials (plus three JAMS arbitrations). Also available for complex private investigations, including missing persons/homicide and cyber/corporate espionage.

Computer vision developer - behavioral science computer vision systems at the intersection of technology and psychology.

Web application programmer - law practice management system and specialized task management/productivity software written from scratch by yours truly. If you're wondering how I have time to practice law while doing all these different things...this is how.

Blink Creative - I co-own a small photography studio and have a RED handheld cinema package.

Music hobbyist - rock, progressive rock, instrumental rock, and metal.

Tutorials and Articles

Here are my popular tutorials/articles/videos:

Andy's Connections - my effort at behavioral science-based matchmaking.

Rællic™ - ongoing blog tracking the development of my advanced product at the intersection of computer vision and psychology.

FirePower+™ - a database acceleration technique for database-intensive web applications with a 2,000% improvement in speed (20x faster), and also an alternative to memcached. Coming soon.

Reverse VPN sharding - method for reconstructing access patterns on websites where VPN users intentionally obfuscate their requests.

Linux tips and tricks - random tips learned the hard way.

Run your own email server Howto - have you ever wanted to take full control of your email? Not for the faint of heart.

Privoxy on macOS Howto - have you ever wanted to block ads on the web on your Mac without having to install MacPorts? This is for you.

Lattice™ - next-gen user interface for, featuring a novel technique for focus detection and raising.

An informal proof of Plato's Theory of Forms - reasons I continue to believe that idealism is the truest form of world view.

Dynamic entoptic matrices - a thought-based theory of dynamic entoptic phenomena found in highly productive computer programmers.

Spectrum Warrior - a suite of electronic surveillance tools and techniques to find the truth and also seriously embarrass liars.

A casual network investigation of the Russian Ministry of Defense - random security research leads to things I wish I could un-learn.

Andy's Dashboard - a free charting solution for server administrators.

Introduction to microexpressions - my guest lecture at Stanford.

Unboxing a new IBM Model M keyboard - travel back in time to 1988.

Andy's Hardware - market research on the concept of a Made in USA hardware store.

100G office network Howto - the fastest, most reliable office LAN that money can buy.

10 gigabit networking - a howto on my 10 gig office setup, which rocks.

The Forever War - my superfan-level tribute to the greatest science fiction novel of all time.

A fractal crystal lattice of Gaussian primes - research on the fractality of prime numbers in Mathematica.

Analysis of WMAP data with Mathematica - a side project that is going a little too far, but it's interesting.

The Vision - A proposed 100G packet capture system.


YouTube Yelp IMDB Instagram

Future of Humanity Institute - I spend a lot of time thinking about the future.

Closer to Truth on PBS - seriously, a collection of astounding interviews with great scientists.

Robin Hanson - this guy is a prolific author and thinker.

John Carmack - definitely the best programmer in the world.

Stephen Wolfram - an all-around world-conquering genius, with an ego to match.

Harrison Barnes - the legal recruiting industry's version of Stephen Wolfram, only no ego. His blog is solid gold, no joke!

Liz Fosslien - a fusion of the above great thinkers with a whimsical online presence.

Suzy J. - an Australian supergenius with an eclectic, entertaining blog.

Hall of Fame: these are products and services, as well as service providers or experiences, that I use and strongly recommend:

RED Dragon-X 6K digital cinema camera with Zeiss CP.3 lenses - the ultimate run and gun digital cinema setup. Proof (actual sample footage).

Adobe Creative Cloud - my personal trademark is pleadings and letters typeset in the best desktop publishing tool of all-time: Adobe InDesign. Check out my review as a 20-year+ user of Adobe.

IBM Model M Keyboard - the best ever keyboard, especially for those who want 1980s-style typing functionality. For service, Clicky Keyboards is great.

King Star Computer, Inc. - custom workstations and servers built to order.

Intel Xeon - professional grade processors that permit the use of ECC RAM.

Seagate Exos - true enterprise-grade hard drives.

Nvidia Titan - formerly the most powerful desktop GPU in the world. Works great on Linux!

IBM Selectric II typewriter - great for typing envelopes and personal notes. Prestige Pica typing element matches Triplicate T4. For sales and service in the Bay Area, Los Altos Business Machines.

Red Hat Enterprise Linux - a powerful server operating system that works great as a workstation.

General Dynamics PitBull - a trusted operating system built on top of RHEL 7.

CodeWeavers - the official vendor for PitBull and makers of the excellent CrossOver/Wine system.

Mathematica - advanced computation platform.

Andy Collis/Valley Visuals - brilliant concept artist.

The Curating - website development and art.

Nissan GT-R - the ultimate all-around chariot.

Boardwalk Nissan/GT-R Specialists - five star service.

Alternative BMW Service - five star service.

American Express - the Business Platinum charge card is well worth the annual fee.

Vim - the best text editor of all time.

Warnings. These are products and services I strongly urge you not to use:

Dell UltraSharp 8K monitor - the ultimate workstation display, and perfect for editing 4K and 8K video. This product seemed promising, but it turned out to be defective in design and disappointing in reliability. Replaced twice under warranty and failed in less than a year each time. I am not only deleting this endorsement; I am also warning you against buying this product.

Hall of Shame: if someone gets me to the point of posting a whole web page about them on here, you know they went way too far in whatever they were doing wrong.

  1. Zheng Liu, Esq. - perhaps the most insane and unfit licensed attorney in the entire State of California. A bold claim, but it's 100% deserved here. Note: this is the Zheng Liu from San Mateo, not the other (normal) one, who works at a reputable law firm. This guy asked for this by spamming my Yelp business page with inappropriate photos, among other misdeeds. Number one in my Hall of Shame because he has managed to slip through the cracks in the character and fitness department of the State Bar and continue his damage to the profession.

  2. Mexican timeshare RICO - a complex advance fee wire fraud scam and continuing criminal racketeering enterprise.

  3. 6x7 Networks, LLC and Ben Cannon - read about my roller coaster ride with 6x7 Networks and its erratic CEO, who I am suing for fraud.

  4. Mahsa Parviz - my crazy ex, who narrowly takes the "worst human being I know" award from Ben Cannon (though it is very close). Overall, I put her in fourth place because the objective harm to society caused by Ben Cannon is actually higher-- plus Ben is still somehow getting away with it, unlike Mahsa who is in Federal custody and headed to prison following her recent convictions.